Wartime Butterflies
by Harebelle
Summary: Set the same night as the defeat of Medivh, Khadgar finds that Lothar has returned to check on him after the battle. He struggles with his crush on the commander and whether his actions were justified in the war.


Wartime Butterflies

Khadgar was aware of resting on something very warm.

_Is this bed _moving?

His eyes opened with a start and he sat up, looking around the poorly lit space. Someone had removed his boots and he was wrapped in a blanket. He had been sleeping against a huge animal, something with deep breaths and an endless coat of silken grey-white feathers.

It was a gryphon, Commander Anduin Lothar's steed. The beast turned her massive head and gazed at the mage with intelligent eyes. Khadgar had always been a little afraid of the creature, but she looked peaceful enough, despite the bandages he noticed wrapped around her forepaws and across her chest.

'What happened to you, girl?' he croaked. He felt parched and like he had been sleeping for days, but could still sleep for several more. But mostly he felt a strange emptiness, like his mana was barely present, as though it were a tiny puddle at risk of evaporating in the sun.

_My mana. The eerie green font of Fel. _

_Medivh! What happened? Medivh was dead... _

_Is everyone okay? _

Khadgar's eyes were adjusting to the little light cast by a few distant lanterns and he realised he was in the entrance hall of Karazhan. He was with someone who must have answers. Lothar was sitting on a travel bag a few paces away, his face in his hands. He was covered in bandages too, and was now dressed in his usual clothing. The soldier didn't seem to have heard Khadgar speak to the gryphon.

The mage put the pieces together in his weary mind. He had defeated Medivh with Lothar and then the warrior had left... after he had told Khadgar that he was proud of him. Khadgar felt butterflies in his stomach at the memory. Lothar had looked him in the eyes and really noticed him. They had worked together like equals. Like a team. Like partners?

_Stop it! You're in the middle of a war._

Khadgar then must have passed out from using almost all of his will and mana dispelling the Fel. It seemed that Lothar had come back for him some time later and carried him all the way down here. The mage blushed in embarrassment, but was grateful to have not been sleeping in the stone font this whole time. He stretched his legs under the blanket and the commander must have noticed the movement, because he looked up suddenly.

'Kid! You're awake,' he looked as if he'd been crying. Khadgar's blood froze and a whirl of thoughts sped through his mind.

_He looks so sad. _

_What's happened? Did we lose?_

_Are the orcs gone? _

_He looks _so_ sad._

_Did we save the prisoners?_

_Is Garona hurt?_

_Is it because he misses Medivh?_

_Should I comfort him?_

'Commander?' the mage asked.

'Are you okay? It's been hours, I didn't know what was wrong with you,' the soldier both looked and sounded genuinely concerned.

Khadgar wanted to say a lot of things, but he held them in. 'Can I have some water?'

Lothar jumped up and rummaged in the bag he'd been sitting on, producing a flask. He grabbed it and the bag, then strode over and handed the bottle to the mage before sitting down right beside him, resting his back against the snoozing gryphon. Khadgar noticed that their shoulders were touching, then mentally scolded himself for being distracted again.

_Don't get weird!_

'Your bandages-'

'I'm fine. Are you okay, Khadgar?' he looked directly at the younger man. Khadgar felt his face redden again, so he quickly nodded and focused on the flask. He drank for a while, imagining the water giving him energy and helping to restore his magic.

He finished and handed the flask back. 'It's my mana. I used almost all of it fighting the Fel,' he looked down at his hand, managing to make the tiniest spark of blue light appear in his palm at he spoke. He immediately felt faint and closed his fist, regretting the attempt. 'Mana always comes back, but I've never used this much at once before. I feel like part of me is missing.'

'I think I feel like that too,' Lothar said.

_Should I comfort him now? Can I make him feel less awful? Is Garona okay? Maybe she's hurt and that's why Lothar was crying?_

The mage placed a shaking hand on the warrior's shoulder. The commander raised his own hand and rested it on Khadgar's.

_He's hurting. Maybe talking about it will help?_

'What happened? Did we...did the orcs..?'

'The king is dead. All is not lost, but it looks that way right now. Llane was...' he trailed off.

'He was your friend. So was Medivh.'

'Yeah,' Lothar lowered his hand and looked down, his long hair obscuring his face. 'I can't- I don't want to talk about it just now, kid. I'll tell you everything that happened later- tomorrow, okay?'

'So...why did you come back here, Commander?'

'After everything that happened today, I noticed you weren't back at Stormwind keep and no one had seen you.'

_He noticed I wasn't there._

'So we got patched up,' Lothar gestured to his gryphon 'And we headed back here to find you. I didn't want to lose you too, you know?'

Khadgar's heart gave in completely. The butterflies were dancing. Lothar did care about him. He could never replace Callan or Llane or Medivh, but he could be there and care about Lothar right back. It didn't matter if the warrior didn't care for him in the exact same way; being together would be enough for the mage.

_I could be with him and make sure he's never alone. So he won't feel so sad._

'Thank you, Commander. It would've been lonely waiting for my mana to restore until I could attempt to teleport out of here,' he knew he'd been extremely lucky with the few attempts at teleportation he'd managed the last few days. 'And I'd be alone not knowing what was happening out there...' Khadgar trailed off. 'Sorry, I won't talk about the war.'

They sat quietly for a while. The only sounds Khadgar could hear were his and Lothar's breathing and the gryphon's rumbling snores. He wondered about the world outside and the people he knew. He couldn't imagine the sorrow Queen Taria would be feeling at the news of the king's death.

After some time, Lothar rummaged in the travel bag and produced some food wrapped in a cloth. It was a vegetable pie already cut into slices and Khadgar wolfed two down in moments. The gryphon woke at the smell of food and turned her head to rather alarmingly open her beak at him, which was definitely wide enough to close over his whole head.

'Here, she won't hurt you,' Lothar lifted Khadgar's hand and placed a slice of pie on his palm, then guided him to hold his arm outstretched before the animal. The mage had fed horses a few times, but they had cute soft faces, not massive razor sharp beaks. Before he could object, the gryphon tilted her head and very gently picked the pie off his palm with the tip of her beak, flipping it into the air and snatching it up in one gulp. It was pretty cool. Also, Lothar was practically holding his hand. Khadgar knew he was blushing again and hoped the commander didn't notice in the dim light.

'Are you feeling up for flying back to Stormwind now? I have a lot to do in the morning.'

'Of course,' the mage hoped he wasn't lying. The food had made him feel a lot better, but he still felt tired and was constantly aware of nearly depleted mana. He climbed to his feet and Lothar helped him fold the blanket. The commander instructed his gryphon to stand so he could start attaching the bag and blanket to her riding gear.

Khadgar felt a little shaky on his feet, so he pulled on his boots and walked around the hall to get his bearings while Lothar prepared things.

'Okay, bookworm, let's go. I've asked for living quarters to be arranged for you.'

'Oh it's okay, I've been staying-'

'These are long term quarters. You can stay in the city as long as you like,' he smiled at the mage through his sadness. 'One thing, only a few people know about... about Medivh. We have our hands full with the refugees and freed prisoners on top of everything else and Taria didn't want a panic at the loss of our Guardian tonight.'

Khadgar nodded. 'I understand.'

Lothar mounted the gryphon and extended an arm to help Khadgar up behind him. The creature stretched her beautiful wings and whipped her tail about in joy at flying again.

'Hold on to me, okay?' said Lothar. 'I need to know if you're gonna fall off.' Khadgar gripped the commander's shirt as the gryphon ran to the balcony and leapt into the night air. 

The flight back was cold, but Khadgar was grateful, as it helped him stay awake. He gazed at the stars as they flew, going over the day's events.

_We fought a golem._

_I've _killed_ someone..._

He didn't know how to feel about what had happened with Medivh, apart from the aching certainty that he'd killed Lothar's friend.

_He has every right to despise me._

_Though he doesn't seem to hold any grudge..._

_He'll probably hate me when he has time to think about this whole mess._

_This isn't healthy. Think of something relaxing._

He tried to distract himself by naming the runes he knew, visualising drawing them and their familiar blue glow when he cast them.

Despite the cold and the terrifying height, Khadgar must have dozed, as he suddenly realised he was leaning against Lothar with his arms wrapped around the man as they were rapidly descending into the sea of lights that was Stormwind. He sat up into a more dignified position, unwinding his arms, but Lothar didn't comment.

They landed at the soldiers' barracks and the atmosphere of the place was evident in moments. It was terrible. This war was terrible.

The commander was greeted by several of his weary soldiers and he exchanged a short conversation with them a few paces away. They nodded respectfully and left, though one woman stayed behind, waiting patiently. Khadgar noticed that her armour was dented in places and she swayed a little as she stood.

_They've all been fighting and dying out there. They all look up to Lothar._

'Seera will show you to you quarters and brief you on what's happened tonight. I'll come find you in the morning-'

'Commander,' the mage surprised himself by interrupting Lothar. The soldier gave him an attentive expression.

'I'm sorry about Medivh. I didn't know what else to do, but now that I think about it, maybe I could've-' he stopped speaking when Lothar suddenly put his hands on both of his shoulders, looking at him seriously.

_Butterflies again._

_'_You did the right thing and you saved my life. You saved a lot of lives.'

_So many butterflies._

'Thank you, Commander.'

'Thank you too, Khadgar,' Lothar placed a hand on the side of the younger man's face for a moment. 'I'm glad you're alright. G'night,' he turned and walked away, nodding to Seera as he disappeared into crowd of frightened and exhausted soldiers.

The mage watched the warrior leave. He didn't know if Lothar felt the same way about him as Khadgar felt about the commander, but it didn't matter right now. Khadgar would be there for him no matter what.


End file.
